I’m as filthy as they come…
In a sentient sort of way.
Planting thoughts, sowing mischief,
Never trust a thing I say.
Doubts created while you’re sleeping;
Making nightmares all my own…
Leave a trail of misdirection,
As I walk this world alone.

I’m as filthy as they come…
What you see is what you get.
Never answering to no one;
Never dwelling on regrets.
You accept my words like candy,
Tastes of promises so sweet…
Wishing for another moment,
Make your fantasies complete.

I’m a walking contradiction
One day gray, the next day white…
Same as devils hide their darkness
Much like ministers of light.
You may ask why I would tell you,
What’s the point of speaking truth?
It’s a process of atonement
For those crimes from tender youth.

Once I was a child of promise,
People said that I was charmed.
Then I grew into this mindset;
Was there cause to be alarmed?
Momma told me I was evil…
Saw the devil in my eyes.
Father never had an inkling,
Combed my hair and fixed my tie.

Pushed me off to meet my teachers;
Take your seat and get in line…
Say your prayers, passing love notes,
Show me yours, I’ll show you mine.
Learning much too fast about life,
Spinning bottles, love in vain…
Longing for her kiss again,
Her touch again…the day’s remains.

Scheming with the ghosts I gathered…
Stealing dreams from sleeping fools.
Keeping records of their failures,
Using misery for tools.
Playing games with recollections,
Telling stories on the fly
Feigning shades of introspection,
Gaining confidence with lies.

Then the boy morphed into manhood,
Funny how our thoughts don’t change…
Growing up is an illusion,
Muddling through and feeling strange.
Gravitating towards destruction,
Attracted to the pain that’s past.
Searching for sincere seductions,
Finding thrills that never last.

Changed a thousand times for nothing,
Wanting more.
Breaking vows.
Finding solace inside strangers;
Never in the here and now.
Making plans and losing focus,
Feathered friends like wicked birds…
Dirty in my sense of purpose,
Wallow in my filthy words.

Soon enough I’m burning bridges,
People find out who you are…
Time to move on down the highway,
Wishes cling to shooting stars.
Safe inside the eyes of strangers,
They don’t know, and you don’t care.
Give them just enough to like you,
Make them want what you can’t share.

I’m as worthless as this poem,
Stanzas breathe, then suffocate…
Words that lead to vain conclusions,
Rhymes in lines of gorgeous hate.
Just as means will breed an ending,
Chiseled epitaphs in stone…
By my actions you will know me,
As I walk this world alone.

TM DiSarro

From My New Book