I painted myself in a corner again
With careless words and self-indulgence
Foolish stories that I tell
The entrance is the end
This light I conjure with my pen
A spell is cast when we hit send
With lines like plastic ladder rungs
Paint brush strokes with swollen tongues
Popping with a silver pin
Spreading metaphors too thin
Like slippery butter over bread
Paper ceilings, walls, and floors
Windows, doors, for my escape
But maybe, I’ll stay home, we’ll see
“What is and what should never be…”
Some lyrics in a song
listening, while writing my next line
Vicarious…mischief for the head
Most certainly, it’s mine
We run from trouble, playing dead
But actions always feed beliefs
For as we think, then so we are
Those aren’t my words, not in the least

A slave to all we’re told, it’s true
I’m sure you’ve heard that (nothing new)
The sum of my existence
are now shadows I still crave
“The love you save may be your own…”
It’s playing as I write
The consequence of black or white
Is somewhere in between
Music in the background
Mixing with my troubled past
Or (mixed) more likely, should be said
That time has come and gone
Imprinted on my psyche,
Soundtrack of a fractured mind
In my corner once again
Restless youth, remember when?
Before the medications flowed
Like so much candy rain
And how would you define Insane?
Because we disagree?
Coloring outside the lines
Juxtaposing six and nine
Changing water into wine
And toasting to a ghost

At most, I felt that I could see
My vision clear, from ear to ear
My fight-or-flight response was tight
Like hair elastics around my thumbs
But that seems oh so long ago
Before I felt so numb
Before the sky inverted
Clouds became a state of being
Before the dark eternal night
Colors melting into white
And finally into grey (you tease)
Painting with words as you please
Into my corner once again
“Nights in white satin, never reaching the end…”
The Moody Blues are not a color,
just another band
This pen in hand turns blue to black
And black to blue again

Capturing light, cracks in my past
Remnants of a porcelain mask
Darkness bleeding through
And to be true, a little light
“The devil in disguise..” another blast
out of the past
I saw her as an angel…
Trains of thoughts that never last
A pad for points of view
A man learns nearly nothing new
repeating his mistakes
It takes a kiss to build a dream
“A whisper to a scream…”
Another lyric in my mind
His wanderlust is fruitless
Rotting wishes on the vine
Then all too soon, he’s out of time
In darkness once again
He tells himself it’s Solitude
Delusions spilling from his pen
And all his friends believe him
It’s his trademarked style, they say
Another post, another day
Watch the poet slip away

I’ve closed that door so many times
You’ve knocked
You’ve tapped
You’ve asked me why?
I’m sober now, so ask again
Yet still, I’m drunk on self
Addicted to this paper fiend
A slew of demons for my wall
Chains of syllables, rhyme sublime
Variables, and loss for locks
Increments of love’s seduction
Keys to hearts and self-destruction
Idle poems to lesser gods
My world has come undone
Odyssey of fantasy replacing my reality
How easy to ignore the sun
When summoning the darker things
Surrounded by these shadows
Color schemes of black and grey
Fifty shades they say
But I’m convinced there’s only one

Brush strokes full of careless words
Line by line, have you not heard?
You’d think I’d know by now
The soul is entered through the eyes,
and not the mind, as you’ve been told
Look and see, he paints with lies!
A portrait of despise upon
a canvas made of floor
Some tragedy he still adores
A temptress for his fate
Some vengeful letters on your plate
But that’s enough, the hour is late
The breath of dawn is darker still
A jagged little pill, you swallowed
Changed your mood from flames to sparks
Eventually, you mellowed (hollow)

I liked you more when you were mad
Raging at the moon, a wolf
A highway star, a devil’s heart,
a dagger for a tongue
You cut your ties with sanity
Realized that all is vanity
But still, I’m glad we had this chat
While inside looking out
Still don’t know what life’s about
Like starlit movies on repeat
sometimes the ending’s not so sweet
Sometimes, it surely is
The same as what you’re reading
Poems of longing (discontent)
Wondering where the darkness went
That’s right, it never left
Just integrated with my days
Part of who I am, at best
Ying and yang and songs we sang
The entrance is the end
This light I conjure once again
A spell is cast when we hit send

TM DiSarro

©2024 TM DiSarro / MindScapes Publishing

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