She drifted off to peaceful sleep
While I was waiting for the dawn
Struggling for elusive breaths
Until those breaths were finally gone
Precious air, like thoughts, surround us
Searching for those perfect words
The ones that precisely
Describe a scene
To set the stage for tragedy
Or articulating magnificent love
Words that forever change
The meaning of a moment
From a love that lasts forever
To a love that’s gone forever
Last to gone or gone to last
Future present becomes past
To rainbows ends or God above
So much for forever love

Slipped away so quietly
While I was waiting for a sign
A miracle of tender words
To bring the room to life again
Raise your shallow breaths
To overflowing
To speak into your lungs like air
But there were no words
Left to give
To show me just how much you cared
That you were even there
Watching her
Watching us
Only sounds that spoke
Of departing
Partial sounds so difficult to fathom
Tearing at my heart as I listened
Speaking a language all her own
That only I understood
In the moment
In syllables and fragments
Creating the context of a word
Or words

Words like Lover
Heartbreak
Missing

Words like Don’t Leave
Don’t Die
Goodbye
Kissing

Blessed words to save a life
Friend
Forever
Mother
Wife

The subtlety of death
Conforms to our view of life
Looking through a paper towel tube
We see a small world
Our world or everything that was
Molding into shapes
Just like clay is crafted
Into a vase
Or maybe some sacred vessel
To hold your ashes
Like the temple for your soul

Creating a shrine
In a corner of the living room
Maybe an electric candle
On a timer
Maybe a real flame
A constant reminder
Of Christmas
And of you

She drifted off to peaceful sleep
I’m holding her limp hand
Moist and motionless
Thin fingers lilting over mine
Fractured breath drawing
In and out like words without form
Sucking in the surrounding space
Of my pain
Pulling in angels from the air
outside of my sorrow
Trying as best I can to comfort you
On your journey into unknown realms
As hours pass slowly
Into lifetimes
Minutes into disparity
Seconds into hopelessness
As time conforms to sorrow
And longing takes on
Vast dimensions
Far beyond this little house
This tiny space
This sacred bed we used to share
Drifting towards Christmas day
Close enough
But not quite there yet

Time of death: 11:41

No longer a time of joy
as this day unfolds
To a day of haunting
This fleeting hour
Of a Savior’s birth
Marking the time of your departing
A calendar date burned in my mind
A Christmas card written out
To your memory
To share in this space
Of what is considered a holiday
No stars above to guide us home
To mark your dying as a birth
To let the nations know your name
Who you are
Who you were
And your worth to humanity
To Community
To me
Who you were in spirit
Flesh and bone
No solemn shepherds
Counting sheep
Saving souls
Watching over pastures of plenty
Finding rest by still waters
Walking through
The shadowed valley
No wise men in the service
Of kings or fools
Bringing gifts as a testament
To the glory of your name
Showering praise
On heavenly children
Just angels waiting
Waiting
In the wings of time
To take you home
Another home
A definition of a life
In transition
In passing
Presented in a word…Leaving.

Leaving this house
This home
This bed and my side
Stepping into a future
That is yours
And not for me to know
A future of two hearts that were
Now was never meant to be
Never was to be
On this solemn day
Of consumer elation
Testifying as I write this epitaph
To sadness and remembrances
To my best friend
My sweet love
My wife.

TM DiSarro

©2023 TM DiSarro / MindScapes Publishing

From the book:

THE BUSHMAN

getbook.at/thebushman