I once believed in Santa Claus,
Christmas morning, in a song
A story, ‘Twas the night before…
sleigh bells in the distance
Reindeers prancing on the roof,
a point of fact without the proof
You told me he was real,
and so I did believe
Be a good boy, say your prayers,
off to bed, you go
Waking up to snow,
it seemed so easy, then
Conjuring presents with my pen,
a list of things you want
Toss it in the mailbox,
and seal it with a wish
You held my hand and said, “It’s okay,”
placed me on his lap…
“What do you want for Christmas?”
That was then, and that was that

Fat man in a furry hat,
seeing red again
Time expands from now till then,
disappears like rain
Seems so long ago, the years blur white
like falling snow
A little boy I used to know,
he grew up way too fast
Forgot his future in the past,
his present tense, in screams
Life spins faster than my dreams,
the days condensed to one, it seems
As buzzards circle round,
cries behind a wall of sound
How could Santa know my name?
He smelled like cigarettes and fear
Cheap cologne and guilt,
mother whispered in his ear
Must have thought I didn’t hear, yes,
I told him what I want…
A robot from TV, a rocket ship,
a monster game
But only if you’re good,
behaving like a good boy should
Later, I told my child the same:
these demons we let in our homes
And shadows that we grieve,
learning through osmosis
Subtle lies that we believe

Once there was an Easter Bunny,
mother told me he was real
Painted eggs, well hidden,
all around the house and yard
My teacher said, “You must behave!”
He’s coming Easter Eve…
No savior rising from the dead,
an Easter basket near my bed
My Father said the same,
Peter Cottontail’s his name
Get to sleep, it’s getting late,
ticking time bomb, hands of fate
Candy canes or chocolate eggs,
quarters for your teeth
Tooth fairies, elves, and such,
little lies that matter much
Secrets safe inside a touch,
an altar boy at nine
Cross your heart, then cross the line,
the incense stings my eyes
An organ plays as statues cry,
they watch me from afar
Mother calls me handsome,
dressed up in my suit and tie
Dad said, “Priests are devils,”
praying to a crucifix
Salvation is at hand,
selling dreams to get your fix
Time expands and then condenses
into summertime’s, I grieve
Keeping up appearances
with lies I once believed

Mother says, “I love you.”
Dad says, “Always tell the truth.”
They seemed so happy in my youth,
arguing was nothing new,
Our family’s always loud, they said,
just another story
Innocence flies out the door;
Father, like a lion, roars
Slaps my brother to the floor,
some makeup, and a smile
Now you’ve lost another tooth,
another quarter for your bed
Another scar upon your head,
no one ever heard you cry
In blind degrees we learn to lie,
tell our friends we fell
Acceptance is a form of spell;
we place ourselves well under
“Let no man pull asunder,
what the Lord has joined this day…”
Guard the things you want to say;
your thoughts hold power,
Don’t you know?
You’ll live as you are trained
With white-washed words,
with bleached-out brains
The meanings, sadly, never change,
the stains remain the same
In silence, dignity will die,
sitting in the kitchen
Drinking coffee all alone,
talking as if everything
Is rosy as the sun,
a clouded sky, a hungry fly
As we grow up, we see so clear
how stories come undone
But then again, we don’t;
we see a world that we accept
A story comes to pass, you know,
the ones we tell ourselves
How everything is good,
things will work out as they should
People do improve with time,
but time becomes the enemy
Of secrets that we keep,
revealing truths we’d rather hide
Beyond the walls of sleep,
you read the letter that he left
The pain he put you through,
how prisons form inside the head
Family ties are separated,
stories in our minds
Childhood endings that we grieve,
another false assumption
From the lies, we once believed

Like leaders in the spotlight,
charlatans with silver tongues
Promises of hope and change,
they told me it was true
The future, it was up to you,
the world is in your hands
Just sign your name and sell your soul,
but keep your eyes on me
The truth, alone, will set us free;
deception is a taste most foul
The devil, like a lion, prowls;
there is no time to waste
You’ve had a sip of freedom,
how’s it feel? Do you want more?
It only takes an answer yes,
a compromise, we know what’s best
To slay your dragons, make a stand,
anything is better than
The path that you are on,
trading all your poisons
Just to hear his velvet voice,
mesmerized, not by a choice
Casting votes for liars,
smiling as you are deceived
Another footnote mixing with
the lies you now believe

Like wedding vows in winter,
death till death, I do, and back
I said, “I love you always…”
Was I wrong right from the start?
A Band-Aid for a broken heart,
some paddle boards to shock
The horse we beat so hard to death,
hanging on its final breath
Was I lying even then?
A blessed union of pretend
Exchanging vows with fingers crossed
misdirection for the lost
The cost is all too much,
fantasies for sale, and such
A tattoo for the mind,
a girl from school I used to know
She asked me to stop by her home,
just a drink or maybe three
Bad behavior down to me,
a muse of sorts inside my phone
Pen pals with some benefits,
sins of omission we commit
It’s second nature now,
a uniform I used to wear
Cutting off my curly hair,
signing up to go to war
Enemies on another shore,
the battle lines are drawn
Lights by early dawn,
the songs confusing to me now
Shooting at the moon,
the same as missiles to the sun
Another war’s begun,
death is notched upon my gun
Mother wrote me letters,
Dad had nothing much to say
How long have I been away?
The sound begins to fade
Some flowers where my body’s laid,
some mud clings to my boots
Praising dark before the dawn,
the early light lays waste to night
Paths of glory, do or die,
killing for a greater cause
Roses for eternal flames,
candles for my grave
Mass destruction weapons,
flying buildings into planes
A testament to love’s remains,
he looks like he’s asleep
The secrets we are cursed to keep,
like cards we hide in sleeves
The lies we learn to live with
and the life we once believed

Or science, trusting doctors,
white-robed demons, pastel saints
Taking pills to kill my pain,
sticking needles in my veins
My family never had a clue,
mayhem I could not undo
It comes as no surprise,
too late, we finally realize
All my troubles die with me,
resurrected once again
I surely want more than I need.
The more I lie, the more I bleed
Everybody follows suit;
the truth is in plain sight
Sour times and lemon rinds,
black the milk we spilt
You must believe your leaders,
bottom feeders all the same
Stay inside the box we built
and do the best you can
The span from child to man
measured by the lies we learn
The bridges we refuse to burn,
the fires inside a flame
The demons we refuse to name
become known in the end
We recognize them as our friends
gathered around our graves
As photographs of love, we save,
as ghosts that haunt our sleep
In secrets we were told to keep,
like whispers in the dark
Unbuttoned blouses in the park,
her hands inside my jeans
Episodes in teenage dreams,
we warp reality
Interpretation breeds acceptance,
black is green…is red…
The lovers that we’ve left for dead,
denying life in kind
Tunnel vision, running blind
With scissors and with knives,
cutting ties to other lives
Futures that we grieve,
losing pieces of ourselves
Lipstick stains on napkins, white,
she hid inside her sleeve
Placing faith in angels
and the lies that we believe

TM DiSarro
©2026 TM DiSarro/ MindScapes Publishing
From my new book: ILLUMICAT
Available on Amazon