Shadows of loss
With far-reaching hands
Grasping and clutching and
Clasping
Dragging you back
To a place you can’t stand
Holding you fast
To a point you can’t move
Knocking you down
As a wave shifting sands
Until you slide out
Into oceans of doubt
Impartial to passion
Unfeeling
Indifferent
A permanent stain
Restless abnormal
Impatient
And drained

Shadows of loss
As a blanket is woven
Oppressive in nature
Like wool against skin
Elegantly crafted with
Itchy gray words
Not so much wool
But as fibers of lead
Weighing you down
As it smothers ambition
Silently suffocates
Joy you might feel
Stifling choices
And breeding
Discomfort
Creating the structure
From living to dying
Anger to laughter
Helping to lying

Shadows like claws
Reaching out of the darkness
Knife fingers digging
At walls that surround you
Fingernails scratching
At flesh-colored armor
Notches as battle lines
Maps to your conscience
Keeping you anxiously
Scared and indifferent
Waiting for something
That’s never arriving
Watching as red trickles
Over the canvas
In between tattoos
Of angels and demons
Famished you feed
On the honey of reasons
Never at peace
As you change
With the seasons

Shadows as wheels
Ever turning you backward
Strive for acceptance
Flying under the radar
Nobody sees you
Or bothers to wonder
As you cautiously reach out
Reluctantly touching
While drifting in circles
Farther away from an answer
As the people who love you
Are never in focus
Always off target
You’re never inspired
To live in the moment
One step behind
Keeping pace with the madness
Breaking point
Stabbing
At your indecision
Nurture the negatives
Listen to voices
Bargain for friendship
And compromise choices

Shadows as highways
That lead to damnation
Tire prints in asphalt
Roads leading nowhere
While searching for strangers
Trying to find comfort
With vagabond lovers
And chance intersections
Looking for exits
Picking up hitchhikers
Where are you going
Bags on their shoulders
Cards you’re not showing
Letting them travel
As long as they’re listening
Then the conversation shifts
Into too many questions
So you drop them off quickly
On the side of the road
Then they’re gone on their way
As you’re gone much too soon
Then your losing again
Then you’re lost once again
And you never know why
No, you never know why

Shadows of loss
Lead to shadows of doubt
And a past just like dragons breath
Spitting you out
Burning your future
To a soft pile of ashes
Dragging you back
With the scales
Of its tail
Weighing you down
Like oppressive dark clouds
As sand showers falling
From black nightmare skies
Memory grains pour out
One by one
Shards of lost time
Catching them up
In your big bucket brain
Full to the brim
Overflowing
Again

Shadows of loss
Always clouding your thoughts
Hot August summers
And sweltering heat
Holding you down once again
You’re a child
Like ancient toy memories
Like oil
Like clay
Like volatile gas
From fast-running cars
Cars that crash into cars into cars
Cars that may kill
That have killed
That will kill
Like love speeding past
Like life passing on
Like laws of attraction
Crossing vain intersections
Blowing through red lights
Red rain into gutters
Serpents in drains
Left turns to nowhere
And right into pain

Shadows of loss
Such as wrinkled green money
Chasing those dreams
Of white picket madness
Bankrupt and working
For meager affections
Memories invested
And constant withdrawals
Nothing worth saving
Compounded with interest
Interest in everything
Interest in nothing
Interesting
Nothing
The sum of your soul
Attached like a leach
To the money you hold
Just one more dollar
To fill in the void
Buying some time
From the life you avoid

Shadows of loss
As a yellow sun hanging
Digging holes in the sand
At the shore with your mother
Filling with oceans
As fast as you shovel
Brimming with questions
You swim through the moments
Snapshots and pictures
Of happier times
With the sun beating down
On your skin and your head
In your thoughts
In your mind
No escape or relief
From the pressure of heat
And the stains of regret
Yellow sun turns to red
Glaring eyes in your head
Like eyes in the sky
Splits into hundreds
Of tender blue moments
Countless red rays
Drenched in all you disdain
They follow you down
Into water and cars
Undercovers
Into darkness
Into bedrooms
Grains of sharp sands
Scraping against the sides
Of an hourglass in your mind
Following
Always
Following

Shadows of loss
Rusted chains in your brain
Interlocked
Overlapping
Lies and truth one the same
One so much like the other
Memory intertwined
Good times and bad times
Blurring the lines
All the same
All the same
Clinging to you like vines
Like weeds overgrown
In the realm of unknown
Like shackles on feet
Trip you up to fall down
Keeping you captive
Enslaved and unprepared
Unsaved and unresponsive
Unreliable
Unavailable
Undesirable

Shadows of loss
Exacting
Impressive
Intolerable
Like darkest heavy metal dreams
Link upon stinking link
One stuck to the other
Like glue
Just like glue
Chain smoking
Choking on words
Words like secret
Like silence
Like violence and threat
Stuck in your throat
Like tiny black fishbones
Stuck in your head
Like a song you can’t sing
A song that scares you
Weaving memory
By memory
By memory
Like a sticky spider web of fear
Catching the future like a bug
Spider memories suck the future dry
Then burns it to ashes

Shadows of loss
As if waves on the shore
Steady
Persistent
Eroding the years
Washing away every
Good thing we adore
Left as a castaway
Abandoned by design
Drowning in a sea of memory
Searching for someone
To rescue your thoughts
To pull you up out of
The life you have wrought
No fault of your own
But it’s not how you feel
We sometimes exist
In a world that’s unreal
Searching for help
A savior of sorts
To lift you out
Of a miserable
Existence
To guide you
And to be a current
Of calm
To keep you in check
And to keep you from harm
The days pile up
Like the bodies we count
Of the lives we destroy
With the weight of our wants
The shadows we stitch to our heels
On the run
Are infused as if flesh
From the day
We are born

Shadows of loss
Such as fathoms in oceans
Holding you under
As You’re holding your breath
Trying to be quiet
By threats of your death
So they will not hear you
So you will not hurt them
So they will not hit you
Constantly fighting
Against
Against
Against
The weight of water
Fighting against
The weight of memory
Wave upon wave
Fighting against
The rage of oceans
Drowning in a sea of memory
Older than your
Small childish world
Stronger than
The will to change
But far too weak
To float

If only that water
Could pour through my veins
Deep in my soul
Flowing up to my brain
A blessing of angels
To take away days
A new stream of consciousness
Erasing my ways
A crystal baptism
To wash over me
As a spirit of love
So clear and so sweet
Not acid-laced heartache
That falls from the skies
Salt infused raindrops
Stinging my eyes
Not stinging my thoughts
With the salt of tears
Salt of fears
Salt of nightmares
Stings open wounds
Exposed to reveal
The mystery inside
And the scars
I can’t heal

All loss is a shadow
A shadow of death
A shadow of innocence
A shadow of love
As the greatest shadow
Overshadows all the rest
Like the steady drip by drip
Of water on your head
Water that turns into words
Words that echo and taunt
And find a path
Into your brain
Creating a milk-cloudy stream
Inside your mind
Eventually coursing
Through your veins
Like poison
In the form of an old friend
Where is water to run over me
Like crystal clear rain
Like showers of
Perfect emerald thought
Pure in comfort and clarity
Waters of thought
I can drink down
And let wash over me
Cleanse me of all
My shame
My wasted time
My wasted dreams
My wasted relationships
It would fill me
And surround me
Carrying me along
In shining arms
Or in ships
Like loving hands

Shadows of loss
Still reaching
Always
Touching
Greedily grabbing
Lusting like
A bony hand
With smooth fingers
Wrapped around your wrist
Around your ankles
Controlling with kind words
Winks and smiles
And ever-present distance
Distance as a weapon
As a threat
As vapor
Retaliation
For recognizing
Their personality
Disorders
Living shadows
Always in the peripheral vision
Of your mind
Holding you back
Dragging you down
Taking you by the hand
To those secret places
You long to forget
But never will

Shadows of loss
Like arms outstretched
In blackest space
Where I can’t see my hands
In front of my face
Feeling my way
With my words
Through the dark
Blind my ambition
Drives all love away
Leaving a bad taste
In all that I say
Walking into walls
I create with my pen
Darkness I manifest
Now and again
Until my days never dawn
But my nights follow close
Your eyes are upon me
Your hands are always there
Pulling me back
Out of place
Out of step
Out of body
Out of mind

Shadows of love
Lead to shadows of doubt
Feeding on wishes
While you live without
Keeps you in bondage
Thinking you’re free
Looking for clues
You can never see
Waiting and watching
Always in hiding
Just inside the entrance
To that endless abyss
That holds your darkness
All light sucked in
Except for the fiery red eyes
Of that ancient dragon
Giving you just enough light
To nourish those shadows
That forever haunt you
Shadows reaching out
From the darkness
Shape-shifting into
That friend once again
You remember his name
Or was it her just the same
One of many hungry ghosts
From a past you must blame
Taunting and teasing you
To rest in the present
So you close your eyes
And in a fleeting instant
You transcend
Feeling
Feeling
Feeling
Yes…peace
So quiet…so silent
But in silence, it waits
Watching you
From the corner of
Your mind
Letting you rest
Just long enough
To push you
Into a future
Of ashes

TM DiSarro

©2023 TM DiSarro/MindScapes Publishing

NEW BOOK COMING SOON!

{{{{{LISTEN HERE}}}}}